Journal

Ok. I’m doing it. I got a microphone and I’m going to be online soon, mark my words. I’m having trouble deciding what information to present and in what order… Do I prioritize sharing my writing/what I have learned/what I want people to know? Or do I prioritize my experiment (app)? I don’t want to appear like I’m doing this for money or visibility, and I don’t want it to appear like I’m trying to “hook” people before the big reveal that “surprise! I have a project and I want your help!” I would like people to participate even though I am scared shitless of people being mean on the internet 😭😭🤪

Most of my STC Labs are sitting in the WIP phase, I genuinely am not sure how to move forward. I have this sick feeling I might have to ask for help… and collaborate with others… I love working with others but I work at my own pace in my own stupid little way. That’s why I started this in the first place!!! Ugh I might have to be visible online soon and I’m fucking terrified!!!

ope got really homesick today lol I’ve never traveled somewhere alone to a brand new city where I only know like, one person. It’s a very scary thing to do.

spending most of my summer in Seattle because the midwest is way too hot and my body can’t tolerate it :,( As I get older, it only becomes more and more apparent to me how important one’s environment is for their well-being. It deeply saddens me that not only I, but I’m sure many others are geographically stuck in places that prevent them from thriving. I feel very lucky to be able to walk outside every day and see my best friend multiple times a week, I think it will be a tremendous boon in my process.

I had a dark week or so, but now we are so very back. My therapist asked “what does your hope feel like in your body?” see below vv I hope everyone has a beautiful weekend!!

Oh wow, this week has been a doozy! I do not recommend staying in your natural-light-deficit apartment without leaving for over 7 days… but as of yesterday my brain has exited the torture dome :)

I’ve been waiting to write critical reviews of stuff to put in my Explore tab, but I’m feeling intimidated. I know what I like about them and why, I know my biases, maybe I’ll just stick with those for now :3

Casino piece is almost done, just trying to be extra careful about my sources/arguments and make sure that all loose ends are tied up. I’m trying to strike the perfect balance between using my silly voice and my serious voice; regurgitating facts/history and keeping it fun(?); making confident arguments and vague “well it actually depends” takes; etc. I feel like I’m learning to write all over again… a babe in the woods…

I have to put all my documents together for the lawyers… Oh my god… I regret not being more organized… I’m a dumb idiot… as per usual…

also this dumb idiot started another project… nobody can stop me…

I am so happy the site is up! However, I get anxious knowing that the “explore” and “project” sections are a little unrefined. I want to keep working on the site and writing more about phone, but I gotta get back to working on STC Labs 😭😭When I’m fixated on something, it takes a lot of energy to get into a different zone. Back 2 the grind, tho…

I have a feeling that I won’t get ALL the illustrations/animations for the app polished in time for the wide release, which sucks. I hope people are ok with/interested in watching it grow/change.

Nope! Probably tonight website will happen :-)

Finished the first two pieces in my engagement design series! I haven’t written anything longer than 400 words since college kinda nervous! I love the research stage. I cannot be incorrect in the research stage. I wish I could live in the research stage forever… However, I am excited to become a better writer and thinker! I am very proud of myself for finishing and not giving up!

Also!! got a super nice message from the lawyer today. Their kindness… It fills me with determination… Life is awesome

Website going up today methinks :-)

Been feeling very inspired by my trip to the great nation of Seattle Washington. Went to a mediation club with my friend and met a few gems :-) Connected with one of the club members that started his own business.

“Were you scared when you started your own business?”

“Absolutely. It was terrifying to leave my job and jump into the unknown.”

“When did you like, stop feeling scared?”

“After diving in headfirst”

“Because if you waited until you felt ready, it would have been too late?”

“Exactly”

Though he said wasn’t making as much money, he was much happier doing what he loved! He was convinced that his passion for the work was behind his success. With the exception of money (any money is more than I am making rn lmao), hoping that this is the outcome in store for moi…

Ok actually everything’s gonna be awesome and I think I will succeed. Found a really cute quote to use in my microcopy

A note written by George Nakashima to go with a bench order:

“Confirm if satisfactory”

In other news people fucking suck!!!! I want the domain “subjecttochange.com” but it’s taken!! They’re not even using it!!! I can reach out to them, but I might get homicidal if they are not open to parting with it unless I, myself, am open to parting with 25,000 dollars.

I was just watching that episode of Silicon Valley last week where the whole plot is Richard being passionate about the name of his startup, “Pied Piper.” He paid 1000 dollars for his domain… would I really pay 1000 bucks for Subject to Change? 1000 jujubes. That’s 58% of my rent. That’s like, 100% of my yearly kombucha budget. (That seems insane but there’s gotta be people who get like, a 5 dollar drink at Starbos evey day). What if I pay for it and then it doesn’t work out? Then that’s 235 kombuchas that are gone.

Hooooly shit lawyers are expensive. For context, I need counsel for:

Privacy policy and Terms & Conditions

FTC consumer-protection compliance

Trademark

App Store / Apple IAP compliance

Hopefully, I will get this all figured out… for under 2 thousand dollars. We will see… Shit’s racking up

Feeling really down after reading about Engagement Design… what if by going against these proven methods, my shit fails? I guess that’s the point of the whole thing, to see whether or not this necessary evil is, well, necessary. ngl will be kinda bummed if it doesn’t work out. Gonna take a 2-day break from non-fiction lmao

Dude research is EXHAUSTING

I am feeling really irked at this new iphone update. It gives me the same feeling I get when I walk past a row of motion-smoothing TVs at Target.

I’ve noticed in video games that there’s always been this mission to make things look real. Most of my favorite games came before 2010. The video games were more of a REPRESENTATION of a world rather than a copy.

Also the new keyboard is so ass

Oh my godddd I don’t wanna animate

Thinking about animating: 🤩❤️🤪🤟🤙

Animating:👹🤮😭🌪️💥🔫

Using this ai is weird sometimes. For something sooo technologically advanced, it is very inconsistent!

Have to remind it to keep “fluff” and “sycophancy” to a minimum, and have to remind it to provide credible sources of information.

So why do I want it to like me lmao

Finished making icons, time to import

Do people really need this? Maybe something like it. Does it matter if it takes off? Not really! This is just one big experiment!!! I’m doing it for fun!! I’m having a great time!!!! :)))

I really am, lol